Hard Decision

I was born in one of islands in Indonesia. My family is not the have. My parents do not have a lot of money to educate me until university. I really want to  continue my study, but because of this conditon, after finishing my senior high school, I decided to get a job. I got a job. In 2005, I knew a nice, pretty, and kind woman. I love her, and She loves me too.
We promised to live together. I think she is almost perfect woman, but she has a hard disease. It disturbs her to do eveerything. she cannot cook by her self, and do hard thing by herself. In  2007, I decided to continue my study, at the time I was 27 years old. In the same year, my girl friend asked me to marry her. I can not answer her request at the time. I had 2 hard choices, the first, I really want to continue my study, The second, I really want to marry her because I love her.

In my mind, at the time, there were so many things that made me confuse. I think, if I continued my study and got marry with her, I cannot focus on my study, beside that, I have to work, study and must be as a husband. It is hard for me, because of her disease, she cannot do everyhardthings by herself. ofcourse, I have to wash the clothes, wash the dishes to help her....  if I chose to study and marry her, i cannot imagine how hard is my life.
because of that consideration, i decided to continue my study and not to marry her. I was sad at the time, because I made her disappointed, I cannot keep my love, I cannot do my promise for her.
And now...I have finished my study....in economy, my life is better than before, I have a good job...but...until now I haven't found a woman who wants to marry me. I have been looking for a woman and trying to do so many ways to find a woman who loves me and wants to marry. I don't know why it is hard for me to find a woman who wants to marry me...yeah..may be it is one of the punishment for me because I couldn't do my promise to marry my exgirl friend.
Or may be the decision that i made at the time is false, so it gives bad effect for me now.
hmmmmmm this is a bad stories in my life....